This week’s focus is to help children learn how to name their emotions. It is one of the “N’s” in E.N.R.I.C.H. Naming emotions is a strategy that is meant to help your child not only learn how to regulate their emotions but to be resilient through the ups and downs of childhood by expressing themself.
Have you ever heard the phrase ‘name it to tame it?’ When we can name what emotion we’re feeling, we know how to deal with it. Young children don’t know how to express their various emotions so we often see crying, tantrums, or withdrawal. Helping our child name their emotion gives them a communication tool to help them, as well as us, know what we’re dealing with. As children get older, they may know the name of how they’re feeling but not be comfortable expressing it. We need to help them not only be aware of their feelings but to know how to express them in an appropriate way. This is a gift that keeps on giving as it is a wonderful life-long skill. If our 7-year-old can say, “I’m frustrated with all the rules” rather than throwing a fit when we ask them to clean up, that not only helps them in getting their feelings out but it helps us understand what might be needed as a next step.
Why is naming emotions important?
In the parenting workshops I give, utilizing my new book, E.N.R.I.C.H. Your Relationship With Your Child, I talk about how being able to name emotions, as well as express them, helps reduce stress, makes the child more resilient, and improves communication. This goes for all children . . . boys and girls. For far too long, society has subtly (and not so subtly) told boys to hold in their emotions. Research is showing this is not helpful to their mental health and can actually be detrimental to society as a whole.
We cannot tell a child or adolescent (or adult) how to feel or not to feel a certain way, but we can certainly help them identify those feelings and figure out a way to deal with them. Unexpressed feelings build up and can cause all sorts of issues from bullying to depression to headaches to anxiety.
Think of emotions as a water hose. One unexpressed emotion causes a small kink in the hose so the child’s energy or communication doesn’t flow quite as well. If they have numerous unexpressed emotions, or a particular emotion builds up, now we’ve got a hose that is just barely dribbling water. The minute something happens to un-kink that hose, it sprays all over the please, releasing built up tension. A child (or adult, for that matter) is the same way. When we hold in how we’re feeling, or try to ignore it, it can build and build, ultimately causing a ‘spray’ of emotions that may or may not be appropriate.
“feelings are like farts – better out than in”
E. Zhivotosvskaya
Helping our child name and express their emotions needs to consider their temperament, the time of day, and the place. Some children won’t need to have a long conversation about it – just a little help. Others, however, may need to really work at identifying how they feel so they can communicate it. When you help your child name an emotion, it’s best to do in private, one-on-one, if possible. In the middle of the movie theater is probably not the best time to say, “tell me what you’re feeling so I can help you.”
It’s not just for the negative emotions
And let’s not forget – there are plenty of positive emotions that we also want our children to identify! Hearing our son or daughter say, “I’m really proud of the work I put into that” is a wonderful way to name an emotion! They need to learn that focusing on their strengths and abilities, being successful, and expressing that, is okay, especially since it builds self esteem. And, as a parent, give yourself credit now and then too by naming your emotion – “I feel really good about the way I handled that issue with you kids!”
And I’m excited I was able to share this important information with you. 😉