This blog about encouragement is the first in a series of 14 weekly blogs that will highlight positive strategies in enriching your relationship with your child. Each of the strategies help make up the acronym “E.N.R.I.C.H.” and will help us end 2022 on an enriched, positive note!

Rudolph Dreikurs famously said, “children need encouragement like plants need water.” Research reveals this to be so very true. The root of encouragement is “courage” – when we say something that encourages our child, we give them courage to try, to extend, to be brave. When our child is “dis-couraged,” they lack the willingness to try something new or extend themselves to unique situations, leading them to miss out on enjoyable activities or opportunities for learning.

Benefits of encouragement

Positive parenting practices fully embrace encouragement as a strategy to support our children. When we encourage our child, it helps build self-esteem, confidence, and agency. They are more willing to try things which aids physical, social, and emotional growth. It helps the child feel supported and loved. It also helps them become resilient as they try various activities, successfully or unsuccessfully, knowing that you are there to help them if needed. And again, it gives them courage.

Let’s face it, we all need some encouragement now & then. It feels so much better to have your boss say, “yeah – that’s a really difficult part of your job but you’ve caught on well to other requirements so I think you’ll get this too.” We feel like we want to dig in and be successful. How would you feel, though, if that boss said, “oh jeez – that’s a really difficult part of your job so let’s not tackle that now – that’s not going to be easy for you.” Do you still feel like you want to jump in and be successful? Probably not . . . . or at least, certainly not at the same level as if you had been encouraged.

Although children have fewer skills than adults do, simply by virtue of age and experience, they react the same way as adults – with courage or with hesitation & concern. Encouragement produces much better results. It shouldn’t be fake, though. Children can see through that. If you say, “I know you can do it” but ‘it’ happens to be swimming in the deep end of a pool before they’ve learned how to blow bubbles under water . . . well, that’s not only not true but it’s also dangerous. In other words, encouragement works when something is just beyond the child’s typical behavior or skill level – not when something is way out of reach. It’s like reaching your hand out to help them climb up the next step, not to the very top in one leap.

Using encouragement

What are some ways you can use encouragement? Here are some ideas, applicable to various ages:

“I know it’s difficult to share your toys but I’ve seen you do it before and know you can do it again.”

“I’m guessing this grade wasn’t what you expected, right? You’ve been successful before, though. What have you done in the past to be successful on your tests?”

“I love how hard you’re working on building that bird house!”

“When you have a minute, I could sure use your help – you’ve always got some creative ways of analyzing tricky situations!”

“I think you’re ready to try riding without the training wheels!”

“Yesterday you seemed really bothered but today you seem in a better mood. Good for you for working through it! But let me know if there’s anything I can do to help.”

“I really like the way you are trying to get the shoe laces tied. It’s not easy but you’ve almost got it!”

“Thumbs up on that – you did a great job of getting your chores done today!”

As you can see, these are positive ways of dealing with various situations. The encouragement is also specific, not just a “you’re a smart girl – you can figure it out.” While that can also be encouraging, identifying her as ‘smart’ may actually put her in a bind. What if she can’t figure it out? Does that mean she’s no longer smart?! That could be quite worrisome for her!

Often, you’ll be able to figure out what an encouraging word would be just by thinking how you would feel if someone said it to you. If it feels demeaning, try rewording it. If it feels fake, make sure you’re specific. If it feels comfortable or reassuring, use it. Your child’s reaction will tell you if you got it right. And if you didn’t, let me be encouraging to you . . . . .try again – no one gets it right all the time and I know you can be encouraging for your child! 🙂

For more information

Encouragement is the first strategy I talk about in my new book, E.N.R.I.C.H. Your Relationship With Your Child, sold on Amazon in paperback and eBook. Read more about it HERE. Get your copy today and read more about the importance of encouragement!

Are you and the kids feeling a bit lazy? Well – you’re in luck – today is National Lazy Day!

Oh . . . . you’re not? You might be thinking – gosh, no – I don’t have time to be lazy! Maybe your kids are totally bored and driving you nuts with requests or you’re frantically getting stuff ready for school to start (if it hasn’t already)! Sounds like maybe now really IS a good time for National Lazy Day!

National Lazy day reminds us that slowing down now and then is a good thing. Although the term has negative connotations, being lazy isn’t necessarily a negative, unless, of course, it’s the norm. But being lazy now and then allows us to be present in the here-and-now – being mindful and appreciative of what we have. We find many opposites in life – light-dark, up-down, in-out, here-there, yin-yang, right-wrong, etc. So think of being lazy as the opposite, or balance, to being over-worked, which, in this context, is a good thing for us and the kids!

The best part about laziness is that you are less likely to experience burnout. Being lazy allows the body to rejuvenate and restore its balance and energy. Burnout can lead to insomnia, depression, and chronic fatigue.

National Today

We sometimes forget kids feel the same levels of stress and pressure we adults do. They don’t have adult worries but they do indeed have their own worries that can add stress to their day and in their own way. And often, they don’t know how to deal with that stress. That means they need a break too. In fact, depending on your child’s age, they need some sort of ‘lazy’ break in their day, every day. This gives them time to process, plan, and play.

The less involvement you can have in their break, the better (again – age-appropriate, of course). In my book, E.N.R.I.C.H. Your Relationship With Your Child, I talk about the importance of not being overly-involved in everything your child does (cue the eye-rolls from my grown sons who probably felt like Mom was always involved!). Letting your child be lazy for an hour or an afternoon or even a whole day is a great way to allow them space and show you trust them. Not only does this help prevent over-scheduling, but it forces our kids to come up with their own ideas for fun, increasing their creative potential.

In my book I also list a number of strategies for de-stressing (for both adult and child). On a lazy afternoon, you can try cloud-gazing, napping, taking a bath, reading, playing with a pet, bird-watching, or just doodling. These passive activities give both the brain and the body a much needed break!

And another really good thing about National Lazy Day? This applies to YOU, not just the kids! 🙂 Give yourself a break now & then! A well-rested caregiver is a better listener, better communicator, better problem-solver, and overall better person. And our kids depend on us to listen well, communicate clearly, and love them dearly!

So put down your tablet, phone, or computer and go be lazy with the kids! You have my permission. 🙂

Happy National Watermelon Day today! What a great “holiday,” right?! And on wild & wacky Wednesday, no less! Gosh, there are any number of ways to celebrate this day that can add fun for the entire family. You can eat it, you can carve it, you can have a seed-spitting contest, and when you’re all done, you can put the rinds out for the bees & butterflies! Watermelon is a healthy, sweet treat that tastes oh-so-good on these hot August days.

But it’s also National Clean Your Floors Day – huh?! Who comes up with these!? Maybe this was created because of all the mess a National Watermelon Day might create! 🙂

Regardless of which one you ‘celebrate’ today, have fun with it. (Yes – with a little creativity, you can make cleaning your floors fun.) Wild & wacky Wednesday is a great day of the week to remember to add a little levity to life. Do something fun with your kids. Humor is not only good for kids (age-appropriate, of course), but it’s good for you too. Laughter has physical as well as mental benefits and helps us feel closer to those we’re with. Enrich your relationship with your child by munching on some watermelon while you have mop races on the kitchen floor or create mop art on the front porch! 🙂

Want other ideas for enriching your relationship? Check out my book: E.N.R.I.C.H. Your Relationship With Your Child, available on Amazon HERE.

What was your favorite thing to do as a child during the summer? When was the last time you did it? Put on your thinking cap for some throwback Thursday activities and recall what made summers special for you . . . . and then share that with your child!

As an example, I always loved bubbles – blowing bubbles, waving bubble wands, chasing them, popping them . . . .I even remember enjoying my sticky fingers afterwards. Make some bubbles with your kids (recipes can be found HERE and HERE), letting them help mix, stir, and pour. And while you’re at it, share any memories you have of bubbles.

Another throwback Thursday activity might involve water. I loved jumping through our lawn sprinkler. Granted, drought issues in many parts of the country make this impossible, but think back to how else you enjoyed water. Maybe it’s time for a bath just for fun? Or maybe the kids can help you water your garden, hose down your windows, or wash your car, and “accidentally” get all wet in the process. Even a simple bucket of water with some cups & spoons and a sponge can create an enjoyable afternoon. No matter how young or old your child is, water play in some form can be enjoyable. Just make sure never to leave a baby or toddler unattended in any sized pool or tub.

Notice three things: 1) these activities don’t cost anything, 2) most of them occur outside, and 3) the whole body is involved – three pluses! Whatever you choose, tell your kids about what you loved to do when you were a kid during your summers. Then make sure to let them tell you what their favorite summertime activity is. That adult-child connection is priceless and so meaningful to your child.

For more family cohesion ideas, check out my book E.N.R.I.C.H. Your Relationship With Your Child!

Is school out? Or just about? Hurray! Everyone loves the summertime break! But are you and the kids really taking one?

I’ve always said school is a lot like a job. Our kids get graded just like you might get a review or an appraisal from your boss. Our kids have homework just like many of us who are working after kids go to bed. You deal with difficult customers or demanding bosses just like kids deal with difficult assignments or demanding teachers. In other words, kids need a break from their work!

As you transition from school days to summer days, ensure you and your child have planned some sort of summertime break. It doesn’t have to be an expensive vacation. Even a solid week of no school and no work can help. Remember the old saying “all work and no play makes Jack a dull boy?” Well – okay, it’s an antiquated saying but it still applies. Your child needs downtime. So do you.

When you and your child spend quality, uninterrupted time together, you strengthen your relationship. Quality family time happens when you put away the devices, stay in-the-moment, and enjoy something together. Vacations are a great way to do that but even a couple of days at home playing games, cooking together, hiking, exercising, or just hanging out can squelch the grumpies and bring out the laughter and fun.

If your child is doing summer school or a variety of clubs, adventures, or camps, make sure they still have downtime. If your teen is working, make sure they still have some free days to decompress. Help your child learn that sometimes doing nothing is okay – it recharges the batteries. And while you’re at it, remind yourself too. 🙂

Curious about other ways to help the parent-child relationship? Check out “E.N.R.I.C.H. Your Relationship With Your Child” – my new book. It includes 14 strategies to help, well . . . . you know, enrich your relationship!

Did you know May 20 is Bee Day?! I didn’t! But what a great day to celebrate! As I’m sure everyone has heard, bees are critically important to so many things we eat but their populations are dwindling. I remember a day when I was terrified of bees and ran as fast as I could to get away from them. Truth be told, I’d prefer to garden when the bees are somewhere else but at least now I understand better their importance and am much more tolerant. In fact, I now grow flowers that bees love.

So what does this have to do with throwback Thursday? Try sharing a story from your past with your child about bees. Did you get stung once? Or twice? What did you do when that happened? Or, ask your child if they remember anything about bees. Have they learned about them in school? Did they get stung once . . . or twice? Talk with them about the importance of bees, even if they do sometimes feel like a nuisance. And maybe even talk about what to do IF they get stung.

If you are allergic to bee stings, I’m going to guess these ideas don’t sound like any fun. And certainly, even though today is Bee Day, you can think of a different topic to talk about on Throwback Thursday. Regardless, for all the work bees do, I think we can all Bee Thankful for them! 🙂

For this month’s wild & wacky Wednesday, use your words! In my book, one of my favorite sections to write about was happiness. In that section, I talked about the importance of having fun with your family and one of those ways was really simple – mix up your words! For example, rather than saying it’s time to “take a shower,” switch the “t” & “sh” to get “shake a tower.” Or, it might be “bake a tath” (for take a bath). Can you guess what “deed the fog” is?! I’ve found this takes a bit of thinking and a slight bit of preparation. For example, the phrase, “if the shoe fits” probably won’t make the best phrase to switch as it becomes “if the foo ****” – well, you get the idea. 🙂

Fun activities such as using silly words gets your child’s attention. Laughter helps them focus and learn but it also helps them de-stress and relax, creating a special bond between you and your child. Just make sure your wacky words are not seen as sarcasm or criticism of your child. Bottom line, you can make a game out of this for any age. But be careful – you may never take a shower again when it’s so much more fun to shake a tower!

Whether you live in the north, south, east or west, you are probably seeing Spring’s bountiful beautiful flowers. Years ago, I wrote lullabies for my sons. One of them started, I pick roses, I pick tulips, I pick chrysanthemums. (Go to my Shop to find my lullabies.) There’s something about flowers that can make us feel better – their smell, their beauty, their power to light up the darkest of days. Have some family fun today with flowers and help your children see the power in their beauty!

We’re often so busy, we don’t notice all the beauty around us. But you can usually find flowers anywhere. Here are some ideas for fun with flowers:

1. make it a scavenger hunt – find yellow ones and blue ones, flowers with rounded petals or pointed petals, or ones with a singular color or multi-color. It really doesn’t matter what you look for – the fun is in the ‘looking.’ This is a great activity for 2-6 year-olds.
2. for older children, find interesting flowers and talk about the different parts. Or find a faded flower and dissect it. You can also talk to them about how flowers bloom, how they are propagated, or how some come in all colors. I know I was enamored over how chrysanthemums came in so many different colors! (Don’t know? Check this out!)
3. if that feels too much like ‘school,’ give your child paper and markers, crayons, pens, pencils – whatever, so they can draw what they see. Or teach them how to make a daisy chain – here’s a short YouTube demonstration.
4. and what about your teenager, you may ask? Ask them how flowers are like people. You may get some interesting insight into what your teen is thinking and feeling . . . and maybe needing. Or give them the chance to help you plan a garden.
5. lastly, if the flowers are in your yard, pick some and bring them inside to enjoy all day! Here’s a how-to for helping kids learn how to arrange flowers: https://rhythmsofplay.com/flower-arranging-montessori-practical-life-activity-for-kids/

Regardless of what you choose, take today to have some fun with flowers. The old adage “stop and smell the roses” is a good one. Happy picking! 🙂

Recently I was going through some old photo albums and before I knew it, an hour had passed. It brought back such fond memories of so many different events! I’m guessing you have photos like that too. For this throwback Thursday, find a photo of you when you were younger and then find a similar picture of your child(ren) at a similar age. Talk about the photos with your kids. Tell them the story about you in your picture and tell them the story of them in their picture, if they don’t remember. Reminiscing like this can really boost a sense of belonging and well-being. Just be sure to choose photos that you think they will enjoy. Ideally, don’t use photos of a time they ended up getting in trouble unless the photo of you is when you got in trouble afterwards. The benefit here is that could lead to a discussion about how all of us make mistakes sometimes but that’s how we learn. However, a ‘fun’ photo will be more powerful and create a boost for the rest of the day!