Have you ever been in a situation where you know things are heading down the wrong path? A behavior or conversation is not going well? Have I got a strategy for you! Welcome to the wonders of redirection!

Depending on the age of your child, they may or may not understand when they are doing something inappropriate, unsafe, or unacceptable. As parents, we have several choices of how to respond. You can simply ask them to stop, take away what they are playing/working with, or explain what the problem is. But there’s one additional strategy – redirection.

What is redirection?

Redirection is a positive parenting strategy that simply helps “change the subject.” As I describe in my book, E.N.R.I.C.H. Your Relationship With Your Child, “redirection is a perfect strategy for little ones who might not necessarily understand a situation and just need their attention shifted. Redirecting them to something else often takes their mind and attention off a behavior that isn’t appropriate or safe.” If you haven’t tried redirection with your toddler, give it a try before you get frustrated and yell. For example, if your 2-year-old is coloring on the rug, calmly pick her up, tell her coloring on the rug is not allowed, and set her in front of some blocks. When you do so, simply say, “let’s try this instead.” You might need to play with her for a minute or two (which is always a good thing anyway) to get her fully engaged in block-building.

But what about older kids? Yup – redirection can work with them too. It might take the form of, “it sounds like we’re both frustrated right now – let’s get back to what we were doing and talk about this later when we’ve cooled down.” Or you might ask them to help you with something they might consider fun. For example, let’s say your 14-year-old is scrolling through social media at the dinner table. You might ask them to help you get out the bowls for some ice cream for dessert. Yeah – I know, that’s not necessarily fun . . . . but hopefully eating ice cream would be an enticement! As they help you get out the bowls, you can simply remind them of the rules.

Let’s face it – there are times when even us adults could use some redirection. My husband and I have gotten much better at changing the subject when we’re looped into some silly argument. Not only does changing the subject (redirecting) help us cool down, but chances are whatever we were arguing about wasn’t really all that important.

How to redirect

Convinced that redirection can work? Good! Here are some pointers:

• make eye contact
• be succinct
• resist sarcasm
• speak calmly
• be respectful (if you pick up a 2-year-old to redirect, do so calmly, respectfully, and explain what you’re doing as you do it)
• explain your redirection, age-appropriately

Ultimately, redirection is a positive parenting tool that prevents a power struggle and creates a win-win situation. Is it successful every time? No. Is it the only positive parenting strategy needed? No. Does it work on every child? No. Think of redirection as simply another tool to keep in your back pocket . . . but a tool that can be used often and with any aged child (or adult!).