Happy Valentine’s Day! What a great day to talk about communication! In my book, E.N.R.I.C.H. Your Relationship With Your Child, we learn about the importance of listening, not just talking. We learn about supporting your child by using eye contact, not interrupting, asking powerful questions, and using I-messages. This kind of positive communication with your child or teen, one on one, is one of the quickest ways to show your child you love them!
There are times when it’s difficult to listen – we can’t wait to impart our wisdom or decision or direction. And some situations call for quick action. But let’s face it, most of the time you could probably take a bit more time to listen to their side of the story or their true feelings, right?
So what does your child really need more than the candy hearts and valentines? Positive communication with candy hearts and valentines!
- focus on listening . . . really listening (best done with no cell phones, TV, or multitasking).
- ‘active listening’ – eye contact, one-to-one, restating what you think they are saying, listen person-to-person, not adult-to-child
- use questions that make them think (powerful questions) – “that sounds tough – how did you handle that” or “what led you to that conclusion?” or “when you feel that way, what could you do differently next time?”
- don’t interrupt or fill in the silence; give them a chance to continue expressing their thoughts
- use I-messages – “I’m feeling frustrated with how things are going because it’s not what we had agreed to” or “I’m so happy you made that choice because it shows me you can make good decisions.”
- keep an open mind
- be flexible and open to compromise (when age- & situation-appropriate)
- have serious conversations when you and your child are both fully awake
- keep the “I told you so” or “not in my house” comments to yourself
There is SO much more to communication than this but suffice it to say that if you keep some of these in mind when you talk with your child, no matter their age (!), it shows you care for them, support them, value them, and respect them. And of course, it SHOWS YOU LOVE THEM! A great gift for Valentine’s Day!
I love you sweetie –
thanks for the
conversation!